In May 2023, the U.S. surgeon general published a report titled, “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.” At the conclusion of his opening letter, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy states, “Loneliness and isolation represent profound threats to our health and well-being. But we have the power to respond.”
I’ll be honest: I have not read the 82-page report. But I don’t need staggering statistics and depressing data to convince me of the challenges associated with loneliness and isolation. I experience them regularly, and I imagine you do too.
My experience is ironic, really, because as a wife and mother of six, I am rarely alone, especially when my children are not in school. Noise surrounds me, people are everywhere, and I can hardly go five minutes without someone calling my name. Yet I’m often struck with feelings of loneliness and isolation even in the comfort of my own living room.
How is this possible? Is there a way to alleviate these feelings?
The U.S. surgeon general suggests we have the power to respond to the loneliness epidemic around us by engaging in community. He’s not completely wrong, but his solution falls short. We cannot respond fully to the problem of loneliness unless we look to the One who created us for relationships — both with him and others. When we do, we will find comfort, hope, and rest in the One who meets our needs with his love.
William Smith’s book “You Are Not Alone: How God Solves Our Isolation and Loneliness” (P&R, 2026), provides a framework for understanding our relational design and moves us toward a deeper understanding of the gospel truth we can cling to when we feel utterly alone. I’m grateful to Smith for clearly stating his purpose for the book: “This book is not for everyone who’s lonely… I’m writing for people who want a better understanding of why they feel so cut off from others so often and who hunger for the hope that the gospel offers to the multifaceted experience of loneliness” (12).
Smith makes a clarifying statement early in the book, “Loneliness is not the problem. Aloneness is” (18). He intentionally and helpfully capitalizes Alone and Aloneness throughout the book. He defines both in this way: “Being alone is not only a personal experience but a state of being that God first notices and declares to be ‘not good’” (18). Adam wasn’t lonely; he had a relationship with God. But he didn’t have human relationships. Part of being created in God’s image meant he needed relationships similar to the relationship between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. For, “without the possibility of community, we cannot fully image this tripersonal God” (20), and “if God doesn’t step in and alter Adam’s Aloneness, then the not-goodness of this moment will last, which means that the glory of God will not be fully seen in creation” (22).
God’s solution to Adam’s Aloneness was to create a woman. Together, they would begin the human race. This very good community of people who are no longer Alone quickly deteriorated when sin entered the world. Smith refers to this in Part 2 of his book: “How Do We Experience Aloneness?” He spends a good deal of time describing how sin leads us to experience pain in relationships. We feel things like otherness and marginalization. We feel unsupported, unseen, and unnoticed, and some of us even feel hatred from others. All of these experiences contribute to feeling Alone even though we may be surrounded by more people than we can keep up with.
I might be able to say, “I feel lonely today,” but it’s more challenging to unravel my emotions and realize that I actually feel unsupported by my community, unseen by my husband, or unnoticed by my coworkers. I found Smith’s explanations of these deeper emotions helpful for identifying what’s happening beneath the surface.
Highlighting biblical characters like David, Moses, Joseph, Paul, and the Samaritan woman from John 4, Smith shows that we aren’t alone in our experiences of Aloneness. If God could meet these people thousands of years ago in their feelings of loneliness and isolation, he can certainly meet us in ours.
How does God meet us? This is where Smith’s book shines. His book provides a robust — and beautifully pastoral — explanation of how Jesus meets us in our Aloneness and offers the solution to our pain. Some readers might find this explanation frustrating, and may even be tempted to stop reading. Women I encounter in my role as director of women’s ministry don’t necessarily want me to say, “God is with you in your mess.” They want me to help them find ways to get rid of the mess. I understand the desire and hope the church can be a place where people experience holistic care in their pain. But what I’ve found in my own life, even while reading this book, is the gift of meditating on the truths about Jesus as the One who knows these feelings and can tend to our souls.
While searching for a solution to our problems, we often miss the richness found in more fully understanding our Savior and his heart. If readers will set aside the need to “fix” and instead savor Jesus, they will find this book a gentle, compassionate, and enriching guide.
Aloneness will continue to appear in our lives. It will tempt us toward withdrawal, shame, and despair. But as we remind ourselves of God’s presence with us, we can live as those who don’t need to fear Aloneness or allow Aloneness to keep us from engaging with others. We can move toward others with confidence and love.
The U.S. surgeon general’s suggestion to deepen community and invest in relationships isn’t wrong, but it falls short because if we do this without acknowledging that need is only met in God, we will never be able to fully enjoy human relationships. For “…when you try to chase loneliness away by pursuing friendship or romance, you’re starting not from a position of fullness but from one of emptiness, and you’re looking for someone to make up what you don’t have” (98). Instead, by believing that in Christ we have everything we need, we can freely move toward others.
Near the end of the book Smith makes one of my favorite statements: “If you have Jesus–if you’re in him, united to him—then everything that’s his is yours…. You no longer need people for what they can do for you. Instead, everything is yours—you have more than enough for all your needs. That frees you to extend yourself to those who would otherwise be left out” (172).
During our family’s 11-week summer vacation, I was constantly surrounded by people. Did I experience feelings of loneliness? Yes, even while driving our 10-passenger van around town. Yet as I soaked in the message of Smith’s book, I was reminded that I am never actually Alone because God is always with me. I can cling to him, experience the fullness of his love, and move through this world with confidence, assurance, and love.
Smith stated another purpose at the beginning of his book: “This book, then, is for people who want to experience God meeting them at their point of need to such an extent that they have more than enough left over to pour into others as well” (p 12). Thank you, Pastor Smith, for writing a book that allows this experience to take place. I’m grateful for your work.
Lauren Washer is the women’s ministry director at Trinity Presbyterian Church in Norfolk, Virginia, and the author of “What to Say When She Doesn’t Think Her Husband Is a Good Spiritual Leader” (P&R, 2025) and has written for several online publications, including The Gospel Coalition.