For the past six years, Martha Furman, a licensed professional counselor and graduate of Covenant Theological Seminary (’79), has been running an annual camp — Camp Braveheart at Ridge Haven — for children who have lost a parent or sibling. This month, byFaith talked with Furman about her calling to help children through the grieving process.
Most of our readers have probably never heard of a camp for grieving children. How did this need come across your radar?
I was working with Gentle Shepherd Hospice (Virginia) doing all of their grief support groups, and it opened my eyes to the children. You have a young widow or widower who is now a single parent trying to raise these kids. These children are overlooked grievers. There is not an emphasis or a spotlight on them.
What are some of the specific struggles children who have lost a loved one face?
A lot of children experience what I call “grieving in the future.” It takes them a while to realize that the death of a loved one really is permanent. The shock often happens at significant life events like prom, or graduation, or their wedding — events where they always pictured their parents supporting them or cheering them on. A girl who has lost a father will one day have to deal with the question: “Who will walk me down the aisle?”
What happens at Camp Braveheart? And how do you use the camp activities to help children learn to grieve?
One of the most consistently impacting activities we do at camp involves having each child break a flower pot. When they break the pot, I tell them to think about something that makes them really angry about their situation. Afterward, the children help each other pick the pieces up. They then take the pieces and write on them things that comfort them — a Scripture verse, a wonderful memory, or something that is painful. Then they glue the pot back together. Usually, the pot won’t go back to its original state. There are still cracks in it, and often they have to piece it back together in such a way that it doesn’t even look like a pot anymore. But at the end of the week, each child takes a candle and puts it in the middle of the pot. The light shining through represents Christ and the light that shines through our brokenness.
How would you encourage churches to help families who are facing this kind of grief?
First of all, learn about grief. Books such as “A Kid’s Journey Through Grief” and “Experiencing Grief” by Norman Wright are good places to start.
Ultimately, I would say the most important thing is simply to walk alongside someone who is grieving. Don’t judge. Don’t critique. Don’t try to answer all of their questions. Just walk alongside them.
To learn more about Camp Braveheart, visit campbraveheart.com.