Chris McNerney wasn’t sure he wanted to live any more, the day his life changed.

Weeping on the bathroom floor, crushed under the weight of his failures, McNerney felt God speaking to his heart.  

“All the things that were weighing me down all week were the reason Jesus came,” he said. “All of those things had been paid for. I could stand up. … It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.”

At the time, McNerney was a clinical psychologist counseling children and teenagers who had been diagnosed with HIV. But the change that began that morning on the bathroom floor led him out of that job into youth ministry, then seminary, and finally to planting Providence Presbyterian Church in the Los Angeles area with his wife and four children.

McNerney grew up a practicing Catholic. He attended services and was confirmed, but by graduate school, he had stopped regularly attending services.

He thought he wanted to be a pediatrician, but after a prep class for the medical school entrance exams, he settled on psychology instead.

And so he ended up at New York Presbyterian Hospital in New York City, counseling HIV+ children and youth through issues ranging from ADHD to disclosing their HIV diagnoses.

It was while he was working at the hospital that a colleague invited him to Redeemer Presbyterian Church. He quickly connected, enjoying Tim Keller’s preaching and growing in his community group. His relationship with his colleague blossomed into romance. They were quickly engaged. 

“It was a really rich time,” he said.

And then his health started to fail. McNerney started experiencing numbness and lightheadedness while he was counseling patients. As his condition deteriorated with no clear answers, he also ended his relationship.

“That was really hard for me,” he said. He became angry, “at God in particular, that this gift that was given had been taken away.”

One day, he asked God what he had done to deserve his suffering. What followed was a “very strange week.” Random memories of shameful things he had said and done played through his mind, stretching back to grade school. 

“All these memories kept on flooding. It was really, really a tough thing,” he said.

McNerney sank deeper into depression. As he wondered whether it was worth living, two people from his past left him voicemails, reminding him that God loved him.

“I felt like when I was at my lowest, it was just enough to breathe and get through that day,” he said.

The next morning was when God met him on the bathroom floor.

“It was so visceral,” he said. “I got up and went to (work) and felt like a different person.”

McNerney’s desire to know and learn more consumed him. He bought books and listened to sermons between appointments. His neurological symptoms also resolved without explanation, he said. His work became more difficult because he wanted desperately to share with his patients about the hope that he had found, but he was barred from such conversations. 

“It became really hard to continue this work,” he said. “My life has been changed, and I want yours to change, and I can’t talk about it.”

McNerney left the hospital and started volunteering in an after-school program at Graffiti Southern Baptist Church in New York City. Then the church hired him as a part-time youth pastor. He also began working at a nearby mission-oriented ice cream shop, then counseling struggling students at a nearby Christian school. 

“I had three very small streams of income, but all very ministry-oriented,” he said. And the people in his life were starting to notice. With encouragement from the pastor at Graffiti, he opened a Friday night coffee house ministry, offering free coffee and dessert with live music and a brief message. 

“God really provided; all the things I didn’t know how to do (others offered),” he said.

Some people encouraged him to start a church plant right out of his coffee house, but he felt that his faith was too new. Others encouraged him to go to seminary, but he didn’t want to leave ministry.

“God can provide countless paths to goals,” he said. “He can show you a way you can’t even conceive of.”

That third path came through Gracepointe Presbyterian Church in the Philadelphia area. McNerney attended Westminster Theological Seminary while working in every aspect of ministry at the church, preparing for his future church planting work.

After he graduated from seminary, McNerney, now married and with four children, started applying for jobs. He interviewed for one out in Los Angeles, but while that job didn’t work out, one of the pastors remembered him. 

During the COVID-19 pandemic, a group of Christians in Los Angeles had gathered together to explore starting a church plant. They were driving over an hour for church services and wanted to start a congregation in their community. The pastor called McNerney to ask if he was interested in helping. 

“We were trying to figure out at that time how to minister to people when we couldn’t see them face to face. It was such a hard time. I was very struck that they were trying a new thing,” he said. 

Within a year, he said God had opened doors that he thought were “bolted shut,” such as providing funding (Gracepointe agreed to help support the plant) and a place to live for the McNerney family.

Providence Church in West Hills, California, began services in 2021. But just because God opened doors doesn’t mean it’s been easy. 

“It’s been super hard,” he said. “What you learn in the classroom and even what you learn from your mentors is so different from the reality of doing it.” 

With beautiful California weather, constant distractions, and easy online access to quality sermons and videos, McNerney said it’s hard to get people to consistently attend. And his family members miss their relatives across the country.

“But I’ve seen (that) God is faithful, and I’ve seen definitely some fruit in the work we’ve been doing,” he said. “All we can do as ministers is to continue to be faithful.”