Growing up, my mom had a special tradition to kick off the Christmas decorating. She would spend hours removing all the daily dishware, carefully wrapping and boxing it up, then lining the shelves with Christmas plates and cups. Our cupboard exuded Christmas magic every time it was opened, and my mother delighted in the ritual.
On my first Christmas as a newlywed, I followed her lead. I bought a full set of Christmas dishes and began boxing up the everyday ones.
“What are you doing?” my husband asked. When I explained, he responded with a fair question: “But why?” I was surprised to find that his question stumped me. I finally laughed and admitted, “I have no idea. It’s because my mom did it … and she loved it!”
So much of what we pass to our children comes not through instruction, but through imitation. My mom never taught me her dish-swapping ritual. I absorbed it simply by watching her year after year, and I replicated it because she genuinely enjoyed it.
In the same way, when it comes to cultivating a love for Jesus and his church, we must first examine our own habits and loves. What we treasure and prioritize forms the patterns our children will naturally adopt.
And if we want to raise children who genuinely love what Jesus loves, we must give them a clear, biblical vision of the church and confront the cultural misconceptions that undermine our commitment to it. Understanding what Scripture teaches, and what it does not teach, about the church is foundational for cultivating deep, lasting love for Christ’s body in our homes.
Before we talk about cultivating love for the church in our children, we must first remember what Scripture says about the church itself, especially in a cultural moment when the phrase, “I can have a relationship with Jesus and not go to church” is all too common. Why does the church matter?
The Church is Central to God’s Redemptive Story
Ephesians 5:25 tells us that Christ loves the church with such intensity that he gave his life for her. Christ didn’t die for isolated believers; he died for his Church. From the earliest days, Christians understood their faith not just individualistically, but corporately. The idea of following Jesus apart from his body would have been unthinkable.
Just because our culture has shifted, embracing autonomy and personal preference, doesn’t mean the truth of Scripture has changed. To love Christ is to love what he loves, and we are to love the church in the way that he modeled: with joyful, self-giving commitment.
To put this in human terms, consider how we show love for the ones we cherish. My husband loves the band U2, and when we were first married, I would gladly attend the concerts with him, spending literally all day in line to secure a place in the front row. Selfless love says time and time again, If you love it, I will commit! And standing in line for a concert is only a faint picture of the joyful commitment believers are called to have toward Christ’s church.
The Church as the Ordinary Means of Grace
In Acts 2:42, believers devoted themselves to the apostle’s teaching, fellowship, the breaking of bread, and prayer. These ordinary rhythms are the very means God uses to form, nourish, and strengthen his people.
We cannot experience these amazing benefits when we treat church as a sporadic activity rather than a regular commitment. God works through the preaching, sacraments, the gathered worship, and the general life of the church. Families need these means of grace as part of their weekly rhythms, not as optional bonuses, but as necessities for spiritual flourishing.
Common Misconceptions that Disconnect Families from the Church
Why do so many families struggle to commit to their church? Often the problem begins with misunderstandings about what the church actually is:
“The Church is just another institution.”
Some treat church like a school or sports club, picking and choosing what seems useful. But the Church is not a human organization; rather, it is ordained by God to be used as the vessel through which he brings his kingdom to earth (1 Peter 2:9). No other institution can claim this. Redefining the Church as just another institution distorts its biblical identity.
“The Church is a social club.”
We might not say this, but we often behave as if the church exists to gather people who look, think, and act like us. In reality, the church is a worshipping and missional community where every member is utterly significant regardless of stage of life, social status, or ethnicity. The church is an extended family who function together, learning to love across differences (1 Corinthians 12:12-13).
“The Church exists for me.”
The church is not a spiritual marketplace where we “shop” for what suits us. Programs are helpful, and they play a significant role, but even more important are relationships that involve discipleship and service. The church does not exist for our entertainment or to meet our personal preferences. It exists for the glory of God, the advancement of his kingdom, and the building up of believers. (Ephesians 4:11-12). Misunderstanding this will always lead to half-hearted involvement.
Raising children who love the church begins not with programs, perfect Sundays, or parental pressure, but with a clear vision of the beauty of Christ’s bride. When we remember that Jesus gave his life for the church, when we embrace the ordinary means of grace he provides through it, and when we refuse the cultural misconceptions that diminish it, we offer our children far more than a weekly routine. We offer them a way of life shaped by what we truly treasure.
Just as my mom’s quiet delight in her Christmas traditions formed my own, our children will learn to love the church not because we tell them to, but because they see us loving it with sincerity, joy, and commitment.
May our homes be places where the rhythms, priorities, and affections of our lives point unmistakably to the worth of Christ and the goodness of his church. And may the next generation grow up knowing that belonging to his people is not a burden, but a beautiful gift.
Katie Polski serves as the Director of Music Ministries and Special Events at Trinity Church (PCA) in Kirkwood, Missouri, and writes for several Christian ministries and organizations. She is the author of Beyond the Back Row: Rediscovering the Beauty of the Local Church for Your Family.