Sexual brokenness is pervasive in both the world and the church. People in our congregations struggle with pornography, sexual addiction, same-sex attraction, and secret habits. Many of our men, especially, are in deep denial about their problems — burdened with guilt over their last sexual failure and one choice away from losing everything.
Dr. Harry Schaumburg says thousands of men struggling with sexual sin have attended his biblical-intensive counseling workshops at Stone Gate Resources. More than half were pastors and missionaries.
For many pastors, sexual brokenness is not only a problem in the church — it’s in us as well.
I was enjoying hard-won freedom from porn when my wife received a terminal cancer diagnosis. Fear gripped me. I knew losing my wife would encourage Satan to ruin my life. He was eager to see me pick up the porn habit again. I needed a band of brothers.
I quickly found seven other pastors who wanted to be in a confidential, pastors-only group where we could be honest with one another. As my wife’s health declined during the next 18 months and then she died, the fellowship of my brothers was a lifeline. Satan lost, as I found obedience to be sweet and Christ to be faithful.
One pastor in our group who had struggled in secret for years said, “The accountability is huge — to meet consistently with guys who don’t coddle me — like what I’m doing is OK. Instead you build me up. No one condones or condemns. You empathize, pray for me, and tell me to ‘go and sin no more.’”
Brother, if you are struggling and hope it will simply stop one day … well, it won’t. Here are five reasons not to struggle alone:
1.Battling temptations on our own is rarely effective. We tell others this but often fail to act on it ourselves (Galatians 6:1-2; Hebrews 4:13; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
2. We cannot monitor our hearts ourselves; our self-deception is too deep (Jeremiah 17:9). We need other men in ministry to help us see our heart’s condition (Luke 17:3; Proverbs 27:17). And we deeply need to pray for one another (James 5:16).
3,. Satan is especially eager to sabotage pastors, to shipwreck our ministries and lives (1 Peter 5:8; John 10:10).
4. If we continue to struggle in secret, we put everything at risk — our marriages, ministries, and the reputation of Christ and His church (James 3:1; Hebrews 13:17; 1 Timothy 3:1-5).
5. And there is hope! The gospel means our Father is for us and Jesus is with us — even when we struggle (Isaiah 42:16; John 16:33; Romans 5:1-5).
When pastors battle sin in secret, our role as spiritual leaders deepens our shame, guilt, and hopelessness. We feel trapped in a prison of silence and despair.
Another pastor in our group said, “It’s so easy as a pastor to ‘have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead.’ I was trying to show the congregation I was alive — but I was dying inside. I needed a place to deal with that, or it would have just kept going on.”
To walk in integrity we all need a safe place to open up, to offer and receive encouragement, accountability, and prayer.
A few good resources are listed here. And if I can help you, contact me at my private e-mail address, help@sicks.com.
Chris Sicks is associate pastor at Alexandria Presbyterian Church near Washington, D.C.
Resources:
Samsonsociety.com offers confidential support groups in person and by video-conference so you can join no matter where you are.
Harvestusa.org provides biblically sound and hope-filled resources.
“Hide or Seek” is a great book by Harvest USA founder John Freeman.
is a Gospel Coalition article from Garrett Kell about his struggle and God’s mercy.
“Sexual Sin in the Ministry” is a “Desiring God” article by Harry Schaumburg, director of Stone Gate Resources.