It’s not always a good thing to find yourself “trending” online. We will always remember Raygun the break dancer, whose viral moves at the summer olympics were met with so much mockery and embarrassment that she retired from the sport. Trends bring widespread attention, for better or worse.
The term “church hurt” has become a trending phrase among evangelicals in recent years. It describes the experiences of people who feel harmed by the church or those who call themselves the people of God.
Church hurt can describe a wide range of experiences, from unjust treatment, gossip, or broken trust on one end to the wickedness of sexual or spiritual abuse by a pastor and cover-ups orchestrated by church leadership when such harm is reported.
There seems to be an epidemic of harm emerging within the church. It is difficult to know whether there’s actually more hurt in the present generation than previous ones, or if there’s simply more willingness to point it out. Either way, “church hurt” has gone viral in the very worst way. What should we think when people claim to be hurt by the church?
In her newest book, “When the Church Harms God’s People” (Brazos, 2024), Christian psychologist and trauma counselor Diane Langberg shows the serious nature of church hurt and the steps to take in addressing it.
The Reality of Church Hurt
Should we believe Christians who claim to be hurt by the church? Yes, we should believe the sheep when they tell us they’ve been wounded. As the PCA’s report on abuse states, “To believe those who report abuse does not negate exploration of the claims. For leaders in the church, ‘believe victims’ means taking necessary actions to protect first. After physical safety is ensured, church courts can then discern the truth in the allegations” (p. 2341).
Here are two more reasons why we should take such claims seriously.
First, as a mental health counselor offering Christian counseling in Seattle, I’ve encountered some of these stories of hurt in my counseling room as people struggle with the incongruity between what they believe about God and what they’ve experienced in the church. Some clients have experienced abuse directly at the hands of a pastor or church leader; others have experienced mistreatment at home but discovered that those in the church who should have stood up for them instead excuse or justify the abuse.
Second, the vast majority of abuse reports are true. When a term like “church hurt” becomes this ubiquitous, it’s time to take the abuse claims seriously and examine broken systems that led to coining the term in the first place.
The Standard for Church Leaders
Langberg uses the image of the Good Shepherd to describe the standard for spiritual leadership established in Christ and the ways that many pastors and leaders have failed to meet this standard. Pastors and other spiritual leaders are called to shepherd the sheep in their flock and to pursue conformity to Christ in their shepherding. But not only have some shepherds failed to care for their sheep as Christ called them to, they have themselves been wolves in disguise who have victimized the sheep, often while the flock has stood by or even rejected the cries of the wounded.
Langberg argues that harm caused by the church and its representatives is antithetical to the character of God, and his heart breaks for all victims of abuse and mistreatment—particularly when that abuse comes at the hands of those who minister in his name.
Using her father’s Parkinson’s disease as an example of a body that is not obedient to its head, Langberg makes the compelling point that when the body of Christ does not follow its head, it is a clear indication of a very sick body. In order for a sick body to be healed, it needs a close examination. God’s love must expose the darkness, sin, and lies so that his light, truth, and justice can reign in us. This process is painful, but destroying a corrupt church system can be an essential part of the healing process.
Langberg makes clear that we must never allow abuse to go unchecked “for the sake of the ministry.” When abuse is alleged or exposed, the church’s first responsibility is to provide care to the sheep, not to the institution or system.
Responding to Abuse
Langberg provides helpful instructions for the church’s right response when abuse is uncovered. There are multiple ways to constructively address abuse in the church, including, but not limited to, the following:
- Educate leadership and laypeople in our churches about the dynamics of sexual abuse and domestic violence.
- Provide guidance about how offenders make inroads in church communities. This guidance can increase a church’s awareness and troubleshoot vulnerabilities.
- Develop clear policies and safeguards for children in our care.
- Formulate a plan for responding to reports made by victims and their families.
By doing this, we not only protect the vulnerable, we also protect offenders from themselves by making it more difficult for them to sin against others.
Langberg helpfully and specifically addresses victims, pastors, offenders, and lay people in her book. She reminds victims that God hates the abuse that was perpetrated against them, and they are serving God and their neighbor when they bring evil out into the light. She wants shepherds to remember that they are also sheep of the Good Shepherd. Even those who have victimized the sheep are precious to God, and he wants to call them out of the sin in which they are ensnared.
The church of God is called to hold leaders accountable and to observe whether their words match their actions. Abuse often originates in the small things – “when I do a mean or heartless thing to a fellow human being. . .when I malign a person more easily today than yesterday” (91). We must all be aware so that sin can be addressed and put to death before it gains a foothold among us.
We all, at times, may engage in self-deceit or systemic deceit, according to Langberg. This deceit can progress to abuse of power and harm within Christ’s body. Those who are given power and authority in the church are at an increased risk of allowing their social power to disconnect them from those who are suffering around them, so leaders must be especially vigilant to examine themselves and allow others to speak into their lives.
The rest of us are similarly called to this work of examination – of ourselves and the systems we are a part of, like the church. Do our shepherds, churches, and hearts look like Christ? Are we humble to receive correction when sin is exposed in our lives? Are we willing to sacrifice our power and influence for the sake of the least of these? Do we pursue truth and justice, no matter what it costs us?
If we want to reverse the viral spread of church hurt and be trending in the right direction as Christ’s people, let us follow Langberg’s lead in becoming people and churches who are unafraid to bring sin into the light and consistently care well for the sheep that the Good Shepherd loves so dearly.
Katie Ribera is the executive director of Bell Tower Counseling and adult ministries director at Trinity Church (PCA) in Seattle, Washington.