But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and … took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. (Gen. 2:20-22)

When God made a “helper” for Adam, the wife was fulfilling a role that God identifies as his own. He, too, is our very present “help” (Ps. 46:1). The co-identification reminds us that a wife is to help her husband be what God intends, not what she intends. 

A wife who will only devote herself to the husband she wants him to become, does not understand God’s plan. God’s plan is for our present love to be transformative. We are helped by the love and support that is reflected in the specific personality and experiences of our spouses to mature in grace. 

In God’s great wisdom and love, he chose our spouse, out of all the persons in the world, to be the one to help us become the person he intends.

If a wife withholds some part of her love until her husband reflects the perfection of her makeover, she is depriving them both of the present joys of unconditional love. She is also depriving herself of the spiritually mature husband God intended her to have through her loving help.

Too often couples waste years in tension and conflict by withholding the fullness of their love until the other meets some criteria of deserving. We are most blessed when we recognize the love we share unconditionally will form the greatest and most joyful bonds of our present and future marriage.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, in all the days of my marriage help me to love in all the ways that help my spouse become all you intend – not only what I want.