If power is given by God, then we know it can be good. Yet to experience the benefits of power, we must think of it differently from the world around us. Jesus teaches us how to do this when he contrasts power in the kingdom of God with power in the world.
You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those in high positions act as tyrants over them. It must not be like that among you. On the contrary, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many (Matthew 20:25–28)
Jesus taught his disciples this on an occasion when James and John (through their mother) were vying for special authority and power in the coming kingdom of God. Jesus showed all the disciples that power in God’s kingdom is intended to be used to serve others. Those who don’t know God (the Gentiles) use power to “lord it over” others—to dominate and rule them. It is not, however, supposed to be that way among Jesus’s followers. They are to imitate their Lord, our great example. Though he is God, Jesus came not to be served but to use his power to serve others.
This distinction between “lording” over and serving is the difference between power that is used to oppress and power that is used to help others flourish. Our friend Chris Moles talks about it using the language of “power over” and “power under.”
Those who practice power over elevate self and personal agenda by oppressing others. They push people down to make them and their strengths subservient to the oppressor’s desires.
Someone who seeks power over may be physically harmful—abusive in the classic sense of the word—or simply dismissive of others. They may be critical, insulting, harsh, and manipulative. Others may simply think that their agendas are more important, their needs more urgent, their wants and preferences more significant. They do not necessarily intend to harm others, but their self-focus still leads to that result.
Those who pursue power under, in contrast, elevate and serve others’ needs, concerns, and desires. They identify the strengths of others and help to cultivate those strengths. They desire to help their spouses flourish. They listen to the concerns of others, consider others’ interests, and make decisions based on benefiting others, not only benefiting self.
In his book “The Heart of Domestic Abuse,” Moles, a pastor and counselor, depicts power under with a helpful illustration from the world of cheerleading:
Consider college cheerleaders, in particular the male cheerleaders, as an illustration of power under. During a college football or basketball game you will often see the female cheerleaders performing amazing athletic feats such as flips or demonstrating tremendous balance while leading cheers high above the turf or court. While our attention is on the female cheerleaders, her ability to be seen or to be given the space to perform those amazing feats is due in part to the male cheerleader’s strength. Her ability and skill are on display because of his tremendous strength and dependability. . . . In much the same way, we husbands are to use our power to support, protect, and communicate that we too are dependable and responsible with the power we have been given.
Power under means using our power and leadership to help others flourish and use their skills and gifts well. It follows the model of Jesus, whose whole life and ministry were an act of service. The incarnation itself shows how Christ used his power for the good of others. Paul tells us this plainly.
Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus,
who, existing in the form of God,
did not consider equality with God
as something to be exploited. Instead he emptied himself
by assuming the form of a servant,
taking on the likeness of humanity.
And when he had come as a man,
he humbled himself by becoming obedient
to the point of death—
even to death on a cross. (Philippians 2:5–8, CSB)
As God, Jesus had every right not to involve himself in our brokenness. He had all power and could exercise it however he pleased. His response to our need, however, was to lay down his nobility and to sacrifice himself for our good. He used his power not to gain anything for himself but to give up something invaluable in order to gain for us full spiritual flourishing. He died so that we might live eternally in the presence of our Father in heaven. The incarnation is a powerful act, but it is a powerful act to serve others. Jesus uses his power to help others flourish.
From the very beginning, even before the incarnation, this was how human beings were to use our power. In fact, it was God’s intention even in the garden of Eden. In Genesis 2, God entrusted mankind with authority — not for self-interest but for stewardship and service. God gave Adam the responsibility to cultivate and protect the garden, and he created Eve as Adam’s necessary counterpart for sharing in the task of bringing life and flourishing to creation. Their authority was meant to reflect God’s own rule — marked by care, provision, and love.
But when sin entered the world, power became distorted; instead of using it for the good of others, fallen humans began to wield it for control and selfish gain. This broken use of power led to strife, division, and exploited relationships. Yet Jesus restored the original design by demonstrating that true power is found not in dominance but in humility, sacrifice, and love. In him, we see that the greatest authority is exercised not by lording it over others but by lifting them up and seeking their good.
Jesus is our example, and we are called to imitate him.
David and Krista Dunham are the authors of “Power with Purpose: God’s Design for Power Dynamics in Marriage,” from which this article is excerpted.