Nancy and David Guthrie see it again and again—couples who have lost a child and are alienated from friends and family, from each other, and from God, whom they feel has failed them in allowing their child to die.

But they’re seeing real healing with their newly formed “Respite Retreats,” weekend gatherings at a lodge outside Nashville, that provide a safe place for couples to process their grief with others who understand their deep sorrow.

“We see these grieving couples come dragging through the door, afraid of sharing their deepest pain with strangers,” said Nancy Guthrie. “But as they share their stories, they bond quickly and are able to share freely with one another and then worship together. You can visibly see the joy on their faces when they leave.”

“I learned to laugh again, really laugh, in the midst of people who have gone through great sorrow,” said one Respite Retreat attendee. “It didn't mean I had forgotten my son, it just meant it was okay to laugh and cry in the same place, and that everyone understood.”

A Difficult Journey

The Guthries (who have worshiped at Christ Presbyterian Church PCA in Nashville, Tenn., for 16 years) have a wealth of experience to share through the Respite Retreats. They have buried two of their three children, who both died at the age of six months from Zellweger’s syndrome, a rare metabolic disorder. They are also the hosts of the GriefShare video series used in 6,000 churches around the country.

“Losing a child makes you feel very alone,” said Nancy, who wrote about her experience in Holding on to Hope, now published in nine languages. “You feel that your friends can’t understand what you’re going through. For many grieving parents, the sovereignty of God can be a hard thing to swallow. There’s a sense that God could have prevented this. But it is really a solid foundation, a place to rest—because if God isn’t sovereign then things are random and meaningless.”

Sharing the hope of the gospel is an important part of Respite Retreats. “We want to equip parents with scriptural truth rather than sentimentalism,” said Guthrie. “And so far, the retreats have surpassed our hopes, in terms of gospel impact.” The first two Respite retreats, held last fall, served 22 couples from 13 states and Canada. The next one is scheduled for April 9-11.

“Sometimes I feel that ‘woman who lost baby’ is stamped on my forehead,” said one participant. “But I don’t want to be defined by my loss. I only want to be defined by my relationship to Christ.”

“It made me happy deep inside to hear her say that,” said Guthrie. “That reflects exactly the goal we have for these retreats.”

To learn more about Respite retreats, visit www.nancyguthrie.com.